cheers, m'dear (◕‿◕✿)

you can call me rachel. 20. nyu sophomore.
current location: nyc.

for the second time since i’ve started watching this show, friday night lights has reduced me to sobbing so hard i had to press pause and cry it out for a little bit

the first time, it was because of how tyra’s story was introduced, specifically the relationship with her mother (+ abusive relationship + medication dependency), because it just hit too close to home

this time, it was when vince howard was sitting in the hospital with his mother after she OD’d, asking her why she was doing this to herself and why she was doing this to him. just another thing too god damned close to home.

i s2g this show reminds me of all the things from my life i try to forget

I used to think it was dumb as shit when people would get I to a relationship and be like “I found my missing piece!” I used to think - what, weren’t you whole before? Weren’t you your own person? Why do you need to rely on someone to “complete” you?

But the past 6 months or so, I think I’m coming to understand what that absence feels like. I am whole, I am my own person with a great life — getting an education and traveling and loving it.

But there’s this gap - this weird, encompassing loneliness that I can’t shake. And it’s something that isn’t fulfilled with my relationships with my family or even my closest friend. It’s like there’s something just missing.

I crave affection. I want someone to come home to and cuddle with while we talk about our days. Or someone to go out and do something wild with. Or fun. Or mellow. Or just stay in and be lazy with. I want someone who I can talk about anything with. Laugh, joke, be silly, be serious, have thoughtful conversations… It’s not that i need someone to feel complete, but rather someone I can share everything with to make this whole trip even better than it already is, you know? I feel cheesy as fuck for even thinking it, but damn. I do.

Drunk is an understatement

There’s nothing quite like getting drunk texts at 3am that say “you matter so much to me.”

Got my first tat today!! I am in love with it!

A legitimate thought that went through my mind today: “oh, I need to Facebook message my dildo lady today.”

Journey in concert was fucking amazing!!!

u ever had sex so good it got you thinkin you found “the one?” bc daaaamn

i want to go camping next weekend

but i’m gonna have my period next weekend