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lesbihonest

cheers, m'dear (◕‿◕✿)

you can call me rachel. 20. nyu sophomore.
current location: new york city.

jcatgrl:

Teaching Consent to Small Children

bebinn:

mysalivaismygifttotheworld:

afrafemme:

A friend and I were out with our kids when another family’s two-year-old came up. She began hugging my friend’s 18-month-old, following her around and smiling at her. My friend’s little girl looked like she wasn’t so sure she liked this, and at that moment the other little girl’s mom came up and got down on her little girl’s level to talk to her.

“Honey, can you listen to me for a moment? I’m glad you’ve found a new friend, but you need to make sure to look at her face to see if she likes it when you hug her. And if she doesn’t like it, you need to give her space. Okay?”

Two years old, and already her mother was teaching her about consent.

My daughter Sally likes to color on herself with markers. I tell her it’s her body, so it’s her choice. Sometimes she writes her name, sometimes she draws flowers or patterns. The other day I heard her talking to her brother, a marker in her hand.

“Bobby, do you mind if I color on your leg?”

Bobby smiled and moved himself closer to his sister. She began drawing a pattern on his leg with a marker while he watched, fascinated. Later, she began coloring on the sole of his foot. After each stoke, he pulled his foot back, laughing. I looked over to see what was causing the commotion, and Sally turned to me.

“He doesn’t mind if I do this,” she explained, “he is only moving his foot because it tickles. He thinks its funny.” And she was right. Already Bobby had extended his foot to her again, smiling as he did so.

What I find really fascinating about these two anecdotes is that they both deal with the consent of children not yet old enough to communicate verbally. In both stories, the older child must read the consent of the younger child through nonverbal cues. And even then, consent is not this ambiguous thing that is difficult to understand.

Teaching consent is ongoing, but it starts when children are very young. It involves both teaching children to pay attention to and respect others’ consent (or lack thereof) and teaching children that they should expect their own bodies and their own space to be respected—even by their parents and other relatives.

And if children of two or four can be expected to read the nonverbal cues and expressions of children not yet old enough to talk in order to assess whether there is consent, what excuse do full grown adults have?

I try to do this every day I go to nursery and gosh it makes me so happy to see it done elsewhere.

Yes, consent is nonsexual, too!

Not only that, but one of the reasons many child victims of sexual abuse don’t reach out is that they don’t have the understanding or words for what is happening to them, and why it isn’t okay. Teaching kids about consent helps them build better relationships and gives them the tools to seek help if they or a friend need our protection.

posted 3 days agovia©
deepbones:

Listen, when you use a word of hate ironically — like, and your defense is “I’m not racist, how could you ever think I’m racist??” I want you to imagine owning a gun, but never buying live ammunition. You only purchase blanks. Ok? And say sometimes when you hang out with your close friends, you take out your gun, which they know contains no live ammunition, and you shoot it at stuff, and you think it’s funny. And maybe the first time you do it, they’re like “Shit. I mean, I know those are blanks, but that’s kind of fucked up,” but your argument is, “But I can’t really hurt anyone! They’re just blanks!” And over time they just get used to it and find it kind of funny. “Oh, that Cliff, sometimes he takes his gun out and shoots some blanks, but he doesn’t really mean anything. It’s just funny! You know how it goes.” Now, imagine that over time, having received the acceptance for your actions from your friends, you decide you can start firing blanks around people you’ve never met. In mixed company. You’re at a dinner party one night, you’ve had a few, so you go “Hey, wanna see something cool?!” and those who are your friends at the party know what’s coming, so they’re prepared, but then the people who don’t know you, they see you whip out a piece and go “Oh shit, I’m going to die, it’s everything I feared,” but your friends explain to them it’s not a big deal, there’s nothing to be afraid of, “Cliff wouldn’t hurt a fly,” so they eventually, begrudgingly, don’t say anything about it, don’t call you, Cliff, a fucking asshole. “Fine, it’s kind of ridiculous, but whatever.” Something like that. And then you are at a large public place. A concert, an open mic, where you and your friends are outnumbered by the rest of the audience. And maybe someone pushes you or gives you a hard time, so you decide, just to give the guy a taste of his own medicine, to pull out your gun, and fire some blanks. Give him a real, real visceral jump. And everyone around you feels threatened, unsafe, about to be part of something they were always on some subconscious level afraid would happen, but at the same time hopeful it would never happen because our society’s getting smarter and more considerate of those around them. And then some other people, who after seeing it happen, feel relieved that you were firing blanks, but also feel empowered by your choice to fire a weapon in a public place, and choose to do the same thing. Do you get it yet? The fact is that derogatory remarks, whether used sincerely or ironically, and ammunition, whether blank or live, still creates the same environment of discomfort and fear every time it is used. So cut the shit.
- Junot Diaz

deepbones:

Listen, when you use a word of hate ironically — like, and your defense is “I’m not racist, how could you ever think I’m racist??” I want you to imagine owning a gun, but never buying live ammunition. You only purchase blanks. Ok?

And say sometimes when you hang out with your close friends, you take out your gun, which they know contains no live ammunition, and you shoot it at stuff, and you think it’s funny. And maybe the first time you do it, they’re like “Shit. I mean, I know those are blanks, but that’s kind of fucked up,” but your argument is, “But I can’t really hurt anyone! They’re just blanks!” And over time they just get used to it and find it kind of funny. “Oh, that Cliff, sometimes he takes his gun out and shoots some blanks, but he doesn’t really mean anything. It’s just funny! You know how it goes.”

Now, imagine that over time, having received the acceptance for your actions from your friends, you decide you can start firing blanks around people you’ve never met. In mixed company. You’re at a dinner party one night, you’ve had a few, so you go “Hey, wanna see something cool?!” and those who are your friends at the party know what’s coming, so they’re prepared, but then the people who don’t know you, they see you whip out a piece and go “Oh shit, I’m going to die, it’s everything I feared,” but your friends explain to them it’s not a big deal, there’s nothing to be afraid of, “Cliff wouldn’t hurt a fly,” so they eventually, begrudgingly, don’t say anything about it, don’t call you, Cliff, a fucking asshole. “Fine, it’s kind of ridiculous, but whatever.” Something like that.

And then you are at a large public place. A concert, an open mic, where you and your friends are outnumbered by the rest of the audience. And maybe someone pushes you or gives you a hard time, so you decide, just to give the guy a taste of his own medicine, to pull out your gun, and fire some blanks. Give him a real, real visceral jump. And everyone around you feels threatened, unsafe, about to be part of something they were always on some subconscious level afraid would happen, but at the same time hopeful it would never happen because our society’s getting smarter and more considerate of those around them. And then some other people, who after seeing it happen, feel relieved that you were firing blanks, but also feel empowered by your choice to fire a weapon in a public place, and choose to do the same thing.

Do you get it yet?

The fact is that derogatory remarks, whether used sincerely or ironically, and ammunition, whether blank or live, still creates the same environment of discomfort and fear every time it is used. So cut the shit.

- Junot Diaz

posted 1 month agovia©

camunki:

Kid just rages for a while: DO IT NOW: Fairly Quick Guide to Proper Bra Fit and Measuring because Victoria Secret and La Senza and whatever are full…

sashayed:

kaydeefalls:

sharkie335:

sameatschildren:

Hi guys I’m obsessed with this shit lately because I don’t want anyone to have unhappy, unsupported boobs like I did. Even if you think your boobs and bras are fine, try it. It will make a big difference in comfort, support, and shape, even if you have small boobs or big boobs. A proper fitting bra can fix back, shoulder, and neck pain, along with breast soreness - and it can help you look 10lbs lighter, and your breasts a hell of a lot perkier. 

Grab a soft tape measurer (use inches) and get nekkid - don’t wear a bra or shirt please, you don’t wear a bra or shirt underneath your bra, do you? This part is fast and easy, and will help you find your ‘Starting Point’ bra size - you may not end up in this exact size, but it will get you in the right ballpark.

How to Measure:

  • Measure your underbust - go right underneath the root of your breasts, but make sure the tape is straight/parallel to the floor. Take a firm, snug measurement - if you have chub, take it tighter.
  • Measure your bust bent over - bend forward so your back is parallel to the  floor and your boobs are hanging so you have access to all that beautiful breast tissue that is now brought forward. Measure very loosely around the nipples, keeping tape straight/horizontal/perpendicular to the floor.

How to Use These Measurements to find your ‘Starting Size’:

  • Your underbust measurement is automatically your band size. No BS. If it is not perfectly even/has a decimal, round it up to the nearest full, even number. There is no adding imaginary inches here.
  • The difference between your band size and your bust measurement dictates your cup size. Every 1 inch in difference represents a cup size, so 1 inch = A, 2 = B, 3 = C, 4 = D. As you can see here, a true D or DD cup is actually pretty fucking small. 
  • CUP SIZES ARE NOT STANDARD, UNLIKE COMMONLY THOUGHT (AND TOLD TO US BY ASSHOLES LIKE VS). They are TOTALLY relative to band size. The cup on a 30D has 4 inches less volume than the cup on a 34D. A 30D is actually the same cup size as a 34A! 
  • No one has their shit together on the lettering for each cup size, so here’s a handy dandy chart. Remember to go with UK measurement as they somewhat have their shit together (and because American companies do not make much above DD, so there’s literally no point in knowing it, but the European sizing may come in handy)
  • image
  • For example, I have a 29.5 inch underbust and a 38 inch bust when bent over. So, I should take a 30 band and then there’s an 8 inch difference. So I am a 30FF in UK sizing. This is just my starting point when looking for bras, and I may not always end up with this exact size
  • Do not pull the ‘omg no I’m not a G cup my boobs aren’t that big’ shit with me ok? You drank the Kool-Aid and now you need to piss it out. CUP SIZES ARE NOT STANDARD. A 34D IS BIGGER IN THE CUPS THAN A 30E. Here, take a look at a chart of cup volumes and see what I mean.
  • Also… not all ‘big cup’ bras are ugly and granny-like. Just check out brands like Freya or Gossard or Gorteks or Panache or Cleo! They are gorgeous!

Trying it on: What a proper fit is like

thatbradoesnotfither:    Here is an excellent graphic showing how a bra should fit! If your shoulders hurt at the end of the day, or you find yourself constantly re-adjusting your bra, it might be a good idea to re-evalute your bra size and find a bra thats good enough to support your awesome boobs. (Its the bras faultnot yours!)    If your bra does not meet all this criteria you need to measure yourself PROPERLY ok, Victoria’s Secret does not count at all  chances are you are not a 34-38 B-C ladies

  • ALWAYS SCOOP AND SWOOP BEFORE ASSESSING WHETHER IT FITS OR NOT. What does this mean? This means bend over, hike up your bra so that it sits right under the root of your breasts. Then, start smooshing all your back fat and armpit rolls or any loose tissue thats underneath or to the side of the cup, INTO the cup. All that stuff is breast tissue that got pushed around from your shitty bras, no I am not bullshitting - after a few months of wearing better bras, many women end up having to get a bigger cup and sometimes even a smaller band too, as all the smooshed breast tissue migrates back to the boob, where it should be. Not kidding. So get everything in there and make sure the wire is positioned perfectly under your boobs. Then stand up and assess the fit. If it seemed to fit before scooping, it won’t fit now.
  • THIS IS JUST A STARTING POINT. Try on your starting size and work from there. You may need to go up or down a band size, or up or down many cup sizes. Not all brands or even models in that brand are made the same way, and the shape of your boobs also helps determine the size and fit, so don’t try on JUST the size you calculated, say “it doesn’t fit”, and then give up and go back to your 36Cs. You aren’t doing yourself any favours. If you don’t feel comfortable in your ‘starting point size’, go ahead and try a size up or down in bands and/or a size or two or even three up or down in cups as needed.
  • ALWAYS start on the loosest hook. If you need to start on the tightest hook, go down a band size. The point of hooks is simple - as your bra gets used, it gradually loses its elasticity and gets loose. So, you use your hooks to bring it in, and when you reach the last hook, well, be prepared to get rid of your bra in a few months (unless you invest in a band tightener like the Rixie Clip)
  • A proper fit means the bra band is straight and parallel to the floor. If it isn’t, and seems to be getting pulled up, its too big and isn’t supporting you. Get a smaller band. You shouldn’t be able to stretch it more than a couple inches off your back. It may feel tight at first, but bras do need ‘breaking in’ and you are used to wearing things that do not fit correctly, so give it a chance. Of course, it should not hurt either!
  • A proper fit means your bra straps are not digging in. 
  • A proper fit means the gore (the little centerpiece of the bra where the wires sort of meet) MUST tack/sit firmly against your chest. If it doesn’t, then the wires are not truly fully underneath your boobs and so are not giving you the proper support. 
  • A proper fit means your boobs must fit smoothly into the entire cup (after scooping and swooping). The wire should totally encase all your breast tissue (this includes armpit fat and stuff). There should be no empty space at the bottom or top of the cup. Your boobs should not be overflowing from the top of the cup. If there’s overflowing or uncontained tissue after scooping, or of it feels tight, get a bigger cup.
  • A proper fit means you should be able to lift your arms over your head and jump around without the band or underwire budging or exposing underboob.

Size Tweaks/Troubleshooting (make sure you scoop and swoop first):

  • The band feels tight: Is the gore tacking or not? If not, go up a cup size or two (or maybe even three or four). Even if the gore is tacking, try this first. The band may be tight because the cups are too small, so your boobs are stretching the band out too much to overcompensate for lack of cup depth, making it feel tighter. If after trying larger cups, it still feels uncomfortably tight, go up a band size (and down a cup size if the first size fit well in the cups - remember, cup is relative to band, a 32DD is the same in the cups as a 34D). Remember though that it takes a few days to break a bra in, so it may feel tight or perfect at first, and then comfortable or too loose later.
  • The band feels loose/band is riding up and not remaining parallel to the floor: Go down a band size (and up a cup size or two because blablah relativity). 
  • The gore is not tacking, but band is not tight: Band size is too big, or maybe fits just right - but the cups are too small. You know what to do.
  • Boobs spilling over: Go up a cup size. Check first though that the bottom of the cup is not empty, and hike it up if it is!
  • Empty space at bottom of cup: Hike that shit up so it gets right to the roots of your breasts. This may fix bulging/spillage. If you can’t get it higher, then you need a smaller cup or this make of bra is just not suited to your shape.
  • Empty space at top of cup: You need a smaller cup, or this shape of bra just does not suit you your breasts, especially if your breasts are not very full on top. Or you need to scoop and swoop!
  • Straps digging in: Loosen them. If your boobs suddenly sag, then the band is not supportive enough, and you need a tighter band.
  • Armpit rolls: Bigger cup and/or scoop and swoop that shit. The cut of bra may also just not be for you (for now anyway - your armpit rolls may migrate back into the boobs and disappear eventually!)
  • They don’t even make my size!!: If you’re in a 28-48 D-KK (UK sizing) cup, you will find your size online easily enough. however, if you have a smaller band than that or need smaller cups, they are hard to find - message me and I’ll try to help you with a solution!
  • So, for example, my starting size may be 30FF, but I may end up wearing a 28G or H if the band of that model is too loose and the gore not tacking. Or the band may be fine and I may need a bigger cup so I’ll get a 30G. Or The band may be good but the cups too big, so I’ll get a 30F or E. Or the band may be too small to be comfortable and I’ll wear a 32F or E (same cupsize-ish as 30FF!). 

 What Not to Do:

  • Do not add 3 or 4 or 5 inches or whatever to your band measurement. That is BS that American companies use so that they don’t have to manufacture a larger range of sizes - they use it to fit you into their stock, not their stock onto you. The band will be too big and unsupportive. Those 4 inches they add to the band are 4 inches that should be in the cup size, so no wonder people think anything over DD should be huge.
  • Do not measure your ‘overbust’ cause really what the fuck does that have to do with how large you are underneath your boobs, come on
  • Do not do the above because 80% of the support comes from the band, which needs to be firm against you and not be sliding or moving around.Would you wear underwear 4 inches bigger than your hips? No, so why would you wear a bra band 4 inches bigger than your ribcage that gets pulled up and stuff and would fall off if not for the straps, while expecting it to support the boobies at the same time?
  • Do not go down a band size and then forget to go up a cup size or two. Again, cup sizes are not static. A 30FF is the same cup volume as a 32F or E. If you don’t do this, no shit the bra will fit badly or feel tight.
  • Do not go straight to Victoria’s Secret or La Senza or whatever, even if you are lucky enough to fit in their small range of sizes - they don’t seem to follow sizing very well. Still, try, by all means, but be aware that their bras may be odd compared to others.

Resources:

  • r/ABraThatFits: forum for bras, they will help you with sizing, fitting, and finding the right model for your breast shape - they have links to a lot of resources, such as online stores, used bra listings, etc.
  • Busty Resources Wiki: Great resource for fitting tips, diagrams, explanations, styles.
  • List of Online Retailers: Online is MUCH cheaper and shipping is usually cheap too, even from Europe. Try bras in a store near you , pick out what you like, and order them online instead.
  • How to Find A Store Near You: look up a Nordstrom or a good lingerie store near you, or go on r/ABraThatFits and ask about stores in your area. Yelp or review websites may also put you in the right track. Google!
  • Bratabase: Database of bras, with user inputted measurements of each bra model in its size - bras may be marked the same size, but with this you can see which may have bigger or smaller bands or cups, or what style may suit what shape of breast, all of which helps find the perfect fit for you! 
  • Great Youtube Video on Bra Fitting: This is one of the few people on Youtube who knows their shit about bras. Great for the visuals to help you understand what a bad fit and proper fit look like.

Reblogging so that I can find this tonight when I get home

Reblogging because holy shit, this just changed my life. Today I actually bought bras that FIT ME for the first time in, um, ever. I’ve spent years being told I’m a 36D. I’m actually more like a 34F. HOLY SHITBALLS MY BRA ACTUALLY FITS COMFORTABLY AND LOOKS GOOD.

This is all super fun and stuff until you DO IT and actually TURNS OUT THAT THE BRA INDUSTRY REALLY DOES SIT ON A THRONE OF LIES!!!!!!!!!! I have been a 34B since college. and sure, sometimes it’s kind of like just strapping a pointless clip around your torso, but whatever, i wear the stupid bra, because that’s what the culture tells me to do ad i’m not willing to become a GQ trend piece. BUT ANYWAY NOW I DID THIS AND GUESS WHAT SIZE I AM? GUESS? YOU WILL NOT GUESS, BECAUSE THESE ARE WHAT MY TITS LOOK LIKE ALL BY THEYSELVES:

image

B, right? Low C at the most? Joke’s on you, because I’m a 30 FUCKIN DD. The easiest DD to deal with that anyone has ever had, the least impressive DD on this earth, but nonetheless. I bought some internet bras, just to  see if this was bullshit or not. IT IS NOT BULLSHIT, and i’m INFURIATED. You know what’s really easy to find? A 34B bra, because that’s the size we’re all SUPPOSED to be, am i right, ha ha, sigh. You know what’s fucking impossible to find? A 30 DOUBLE D!!!! THAT’S NOT A SIZE THAT EVEN EXISTS ANYWHERE IN MEATSPACE!!!!! Anyway, I’m mad about it, but also excited because a) DD!! and b) Donner and Blitzen (my boobs) both look great. It’s a confusing time for me. EVERYONE TRY THIS METHOD OUT, I’M PRETTY SURE NONE OF US IS WEARING THE CORRECT BRA.

posted 1 month agovia©

stankface:

Nichelle Nichols inspires Whoopi Goldberg to become an actress because she was the first black woman Whoopi’d ever seen on tv that wasn’t playing a maid.

Whoopi gets her career launched by starring in The Color Purple.

Lupita Nyong’o was inspired to become an actress after watching The Color Purple because she was finally watching a film with people who looked like her.

So just to be clear, An African communications officer (who Nichelle never would’ve played if not for MLKJ encouraging her about representation) inspired the lead actress in the best black film of all time (which was based off a book written by a black womanist) where the women carried the weight of the film, which led to an African actress to get the role in a high profile film, directed, written by and starring black folk before even graduating school and now has the most nominations I’ve ever seen from someone so inexperienced.

But by all means, keep making racist powerpoints about how representation has no affect on anyone just because you don’t see color.

posted 2 months agovia©
posted 3 months agovia©
Tagged #good #random #q

the hunger games aren’t amazingly unique or flawless or anything but I think katniss as a character is very important and i think the media misunderstands

we aren’t in it for the cute boys. we’re in it for katniss. thousands of young girls were introduced to an introverted, angry girl born into poverty and watched her become the savior of the world and the media doesn’t seem to understand that she, as a character, is important to girls. not who she dates, but her

posted 4 months agovia©

katandthemouse:

tilthingsarebrighter:

"When you dress like that it’s like putting a steak in front of a dog; what do you expect?"

Peanut butter is basically my dog’s favorite thing in the world.

You know why she’s not even touching it?

I said “no.”

image

posted 6 months agovia©
Tagged #yes #good #q

consultingpiskies:

THEY ARE ALL OKAY, and all those things could exist in THE SAME WOMAN. Women shouldn’t be valued because we are strong, or kick-ass, but because we are people. So don’t focus on writing characters who are strong. Write characters who are people.madlori

Modeled on this post. This quote needed a gifset that featured a more diverse group women. Because my takeaway from Lori’s marvelous answer (seriously, go read all of it) is that representation matters and that great female characters do not—and should not—fit into the same cookie cutter mold. Because actual women are not one size fits all. And the irony of having that message cross my dash repeatedly with exclusively young, white, straight, cis women who match a prescriptive definition of beauty was getting to me.

posted 6 months agovia©
Tagged #good #q

allsnargents:

"Do you have to be so vulgar about men, like they’re pieces of meat?"

posted 6 months agovia©
Tagged #good

annehathawayworld:

Les Misérables in more 2013 movie terms by Hugh Jackman & Anne Hathaway…

posted 6 months agovia©